Think about it...

In my experience, whatever issues I have with my partner really don't have that much to do with her but are all about me. So when I find myself being mad at her for whatever reason, I take a second and ask myself this question, "is this really about her or is it me being insecure, too demanding, setting to high of expectations, etc. Granted I am not going to lie and say sometimes I am not extremely upset with her and feel like it is all her fault, but I would say the more mature I get the more I realize it has less to do with her and more to do with me.

Let me give you some examples:

Girls night out - When I first got together with my girlfriend Tracy she would go out all the time with her friends to the bar. I was a nervous wreck and would get so mad at her because I felt insecure and sick inside. The situation almost resulted in me ruining a great relationship because I could not deal with my feelings. As time went on I started to realize that she deserved to spend time with her friends and that she was not doing anything wrong. I realized it was my feelings of insecurity that were the issue not her choice of activities. Now I am not saying that if I was with someone who didn't go with friends as much and if she did they went to movies and out to dinner it would not have been easier. Reality is, I would still have feelings of insecurity and would be allowing someone else to control my feelings of security. I am so grateful for the experience and the opportunity to grow as a person. Even now from time to time I still get insecure ,but I try to explain my feelings to her in a way that she understands and it's still all about me.

Feeling loved - Interesting how everyone gives and recieves love differently. I have found I am kind of a nut case when it comes to this so I have to pay special attention to the feelings I am having and distinguish is this really an issue to talk to her about or am I just being a baby. Being a personal trainer I live a certain lifestyle and I have a very strong desire that the partner I am with have that same lifestyle. Many times in the last 3 years I have felt unloved because my partner has not lived the same lifestyle I do. I feel that if she really loved me she would adopt that lifestyle to make me happy. Sounds like manipulation on my part! I recognize in myself that I do this a-lot with my significant other and to be brutally honest it is one of my worst traits. On the other hand, I do believe if something is very important to your significant other you should make the effort to be important to you as well.

Compromise - Is probably one of the most important words in a relationship. If I use the examples from above: Girls night out - I have come to realize that no matter how much I wanted Tracy to go bowling and to dinner with her friends it just isn't going to happen. I also realized that she loves girls night out it gives her a chance to be with friends in a fun environment, get dressed up all sexy, and at the end of the day I absolutely love that about her. So I know it is not fair nor do I want to ask her to give that up. However, I have asked her to not stay out all night and she respects that because I have shared my feelings honestly and not made it about her and not trusting her. Lifestyle changes - Sometimes it is unfair to ask our significant other to do things he or she does not want to do. I realize my wanting her to live the same way is not very fair. However, we both recognized that if our relationship is going to work she has to compromise in order to be in this relationship. I recognize her effort and I am so appreciative and in turn I do not expect her to be as passionate about it as I am, put as much time into, or change her lifestyle so completely she becomes someone she is not to appease me.

The next time you are having issues with your significant other take a moment and ask yourself, "is this really about their behavior or is it my issue". Be honest with yourself and you will find the majorityof time it really is more about you and less about the other person. I mean we are all screwed up from our childhook no matter how good a job our parents did. Differen't situations push our buttons in a way that is only unique to ourselves. If you do this exercise I think you will find you are happier because you are in control of your feelings....